Signs of Drug Use

Most parents have a sixth sense about how their kids act and feel. We usually know when something is "off" -- and sometimes long before fullblown problems appear. But identifying drug and alcohol problems is tricky.

Lots of kids first get involved -- or get in trouble -- at the age when they naturally start demanding greater freedom and more privacy from parents.

Learning the difference between "symptoms" of growing up and the warning signs of alcohol and other drug use isn't easy. As a parent, you must ask questions carefully and avoid snap judgements, yet learn to trust our sense that our kids are in trouble.

By themselves, many of the following signs may signal nothing more than the pains and pangs of "teenagehood." But taken together, they should make a parent's sixth sense tingle. Because if alcohol or drug use is not the problem, something else may be.

Your child might be using drugs if:

She's withdawn, depressed, tired, and careless about personal grooming;
He's hostile or uncooperative and frequently breaks curfews;
Her relationships with family members have deteriorated;
He's hanging around with a new group of friends;
Her grades have slipped and her school attendance is irregular;
He's lost interest in hobbies, sports, and other favorite activities;
Her eating and sleeping patterns have changed;
She's up at night and sleeps during the day;
He has a hard time concentrating;
Her eyes are red-rimmed and/or nose is runny in the absence of a cold;
Household money or objects are disappearing.

Getting Help

Discovering that a child is using drugs is one of the scariest situations a parent ever faces. Our first feeling are fear (Have they hurt themselves?) and anger (How could they do this to me?) and our first impulse is to punish our kids.

Fear and anger are natural reactions to a family crisis. They just aren't very helpful. In fact, the first rule of dealing with adolescent drug problems is staying calm. Now, more than ever, your child needs love and support. Drug and alcohol abuse is serious, and should be treated that way. But not at the cost of permanent damage to your relationship with your kids.

Facts First. Begin by asking questions and gathering facts. Speak with your child's friends, teachers, coach, school counselor, or employers. Get specific: how much, how often, and how long have they been using.

Try to get a sense of how deeply your child is involved. Do more of the "Signs" listed above fit? Meet with a local drug and alcohol counselor to discuss your situation.

Agree on a course of action with your spouse or other adults in the household before talking with your child. Consider options you are willing to offer, such as new family rules or written contract with conditions your child must meet.

Getting Treatment

If your child continues using drugs and alcohol, your best bet may be a treatment program. It's a serious move, and should not be used as a threat, punishment, or a way to force your child to "behave." Deciding to put your child in treatment is a message that you consider their behavior destructive and dangerous -- to themselves and the family. For a list of treatment facilities searchable by zip code or drug addiction, click here.

Tough love. Set aside time for meeting with your child. Discuss what you've learned so far, ask more questions, talk about feelings -- yours and your child's. Remember, they're frightened, too.

Discuss your new conditions and consquences, which should include a rule on no further drug and alcohol use. Consider outside support for your child -- and yourself. Self-help groups (such as Alcoholics Anonymous), ministers, and school counselors are helpful, as well as outpatient drug and alcohol centers. If your child admits to drug addiction or being unable to quit using or uses a variety of illicit drugs, in-patient care might be a better option. Visit our resource section for helplines and local facilities.